I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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