yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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