I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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