If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
