He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
