I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
