In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
