he wants to bone in the snuggie
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
