If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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