Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
