I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
