shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
It's shark week go big or go home
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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