Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
