am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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