dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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