Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
