i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Randomize