Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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