Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
