If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
meet me or not, i'm out of control
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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