the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
she pinky promised me she was 18
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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