Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
