youre lurking in front of me
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
