I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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