Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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