So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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