i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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