Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
