i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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