she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
cat food counts as protein by the way
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
