i don't plan on having that self control this summer
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
