I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
