We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
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