Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
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