Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize