guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
