He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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