yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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