I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
