If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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