i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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