I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
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