also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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