I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
