toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
