i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
