I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Randomize
