If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
