Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I supernannyed him into submission
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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