So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
