This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
