I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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