Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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