I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
