The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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