If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
you had me at cake vodka
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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