Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize