If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
