when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Randomize
