nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize