He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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