I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
