I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
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