Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
