Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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