I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
