If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
i think im in europe. pls send help
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
