At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
