I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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