his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
