Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
apparently the secret to your success is patron
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
