he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
